there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
