An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
bring money and cleavage
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
