Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
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