who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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