also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
