wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
