this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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