Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
