Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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