i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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