I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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