I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he was CRYING into my vagina
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
