please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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