I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
it's like iHOP with fire
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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