At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
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Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
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I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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