he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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