Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize