I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
