Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
