I must be too annoying 4 u.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
