We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
