I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
