we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
