fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize