we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So much rum. So many feels.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
