I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Every concussion has its silver lining
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
