I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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