i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
