Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
