You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
