I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
