Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
