So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
