HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think your dad took our porno
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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