Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
