I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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