If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
