tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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