nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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