I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't deserve a penis
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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