She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
