I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
