the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I AM VODKA MAN
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
