so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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