do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
