so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
