I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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