I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
