Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
