please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
