Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
