I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
