I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
