Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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