feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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