Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
