I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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