And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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