if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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