In America we eat man semen.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
