this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
