Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
