I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize