So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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