I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
