no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
