It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
