ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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