I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
