I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
