we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
