yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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