Banned from zoo.
Again?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
