Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
