u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
