am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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