I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
