I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
is wine microwaveable?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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