that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
