Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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