Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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