They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
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What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
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Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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