Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
