break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
